Sage’s Mind

This lady ROCKS!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WU_HJY8md-0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDAALaVG27k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDnEy8Rn4fY&feature=related

For those of you who may not understand or believe what we are up against PLEASE watch this! http://www.youtube.com/user/christinemoers#p/u/15/p_8ZPnIN7CA

It is really a miss fire…. a communication gap! I am so grateful to this mother and her beautiful daughter!

WE HAVE HOPE!

Sage

I’m back…. life has been way to painful to write about! I am finding hope and Faith though! The road we as a family have been on has been full of JOY and some huge BUMPS!

Right now I don’t have the brain power to go to back and catch up so lets just start with today!

Frazer had Horse therapy today! I was not a believer at first but now I know that this is where both of our hearts have begun to heal! Here watch this video… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTx8Ct43wPQ .    In case you didn’t know Frazer was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder or RADS!  Frazer’s behaviors are very similar to this little girl in the clip.  I was finding myself at a very BAD place with her! I have been drowning in gilt, anger, regret, hopelessness and complete confusion! On days where I would have to be her mother for a whole day it would be a complete mess! I felt COMPLETLY CRAZY! Her crazy lies and blank stares left ME feeling completely out of control! I wasn’t in control and Frazer knew it! In order for her to feel some sense of safety and “control” she had to “control” everything about ME! Seeing a pattern here? Sure she would control everyone else but I was her main target. What sucked the most was that everyone else saw her controlling as cutie and gave her credit for being so young or being from Ethiopia. I would beat myself up so often because I felt like “why can’t I see her this way” she is darling… but she treats me so terrible! Steve was having a hard time figuring out what was going on. He thought his wife was CRAZY! He knew she didn’t make him COMPLETLY crazy but he also knew he didn’t like being around her. Here are some really great resources for RADS… http://www.findinghopefoundation.com/ 

In the mist of hopelessness I was invited to attend a seminar given by the mom in that clip Jodi Bean! At first I was just hoping to find info about trama and the brain. I thought I knew enough about RADs to know that Frazer might have RADS but no way was she full blown RADS! Midway through that seminar I KNOW we were all in so much trouble! Everything I has over looked and chalked up to “culture” “age” and a “girl thing” were all RADS! I frantically wrote down numbers of therapists, other families and tips to try at home. I was feeling relived that there was hope but scared to death to begin reaching out and moving forward. Crazy thing was now I “got” Frazer but she scared me more !

So it took me a few days to reach out for help but after she sat in front of a uneaten bowl of oatmeal for 45 minutes LICKING THE SPOON! I know I needed take a HUGE leap for this whole family! So I made a call and we went in that day to “chat” with a specialist in RADS! It only took her 4 minutes and LOTS of anger from Frazer to confirm what I already knew… Definitely RADS! You have to understand that until that very day I had NEVER witnessed Frazer be anything but HAPPY! Yes that would be 11 months of HAPPY! Crazy…. hu?! Now we have started incorporating the Horse therapy and I LOVE it! They even got me up on a horse and I cried like a baby! I guess I have some deep stuff to work out on my end too!

This process so far has been a complete gift from GOD! Not only are we finding the right help for Frazer to heal her hurting heart but I have also found that I to have a hurting heart! I am so very grateful that the Lord trusted Steve and I to raise and influence Frazer. Heavenly Father blessed me 16 years ago with a wonderful Husband… Steve has been OUR rock! I know without a single question (now) that Frazer and I knew each otherin the life before this one! That we must have made a deal that we would find each other and help each other heal!

So there you go….

Hey… I should tell you that Maya is potty trained and going to a preschool she loves it so much! Avery is 13 now doing great in school and still loves Soccer… o’ ya and he playes the flute!  Ethan is a wonderful brother he helps me so much. He loves school and is doing wonderfully! Isaac is in a great class at school, still loves soccer and he rocks! Owen loves school and he has the same teacher Ethan had in 2nd grade! What a great kid! Steve is still working on his Masters, work is good and he is still coaching soccer! Me…. well I am greatfull I still have 6 children cuz there were days I thought about calling CPS myself! Really I’m good and looking forward to this next year of self discovery and forgiveness!

Love you all

Sage 

                                         My life is HARD! Who’s isn’t… ?

I would love post a ton of pictures and tell about the WONDERFUL summer we have had.

I would love to say that having 6 kids is beyond my wildest dreams exciting and fun!

I would love to say that our little “Utah” born Ethiopian is the reason I wake in the morning!

I know HUGE surprise…

So there it is…

BUT….

I do have faith and trust in the Lord who is responsible for whispering to Steve and I that this IS the right little person who FITS AND BELONGS here with HER family!

I do honestly have the greatest children EVER! 

Avery is so completely grownup and yet some-days he is still our little AVERY!

Ethan… seriously I would have cracked COMPLETY without Ethan. He just has this amazing LOVE for his sisters.

Isaac WOW… Isaac always know when I just need a kid who needs a MOM! Isaac is the kid who talks about the most wonderful ideas and feelings!

Owen… I am grateful for his humor. His wild and crazy energy it reminds me to let loose and enjoy the “rain”.

Maya my sweet little baby… she loves me even when I mean! She wraps her stick little fingers around my neck and give the big FISH kisses.

Frazer how does she know what I’m thinking? Where I’m going next? She always does… she is ALWAYS right there to hold the door, pick up the pen/spoon I haven’t even dropped yet! How does she know?

Steve is my BEST Friend I LOVE being with him alone. He makes me laugh and he makes me the most nuts!

So with such a wonderful family why has this adoption been sooooo hard? Why are we afraid to talk about the HARD STUFF in our lives? This sucks… really… it really sucks. We have this little girl who melts hearts wherever she goes. She charmers anyone who looks her way. Why do I want her “mom” to come? FOR REALS… I feel this way!!! Horrible hu.. ! This is hard… waaaaa… you know!

So I was searching for anything to help me keep the faith! I came across this clip again I sure I have watched it  a dozen times but today… TODAY it means something MORE. This is a family… an ordinary family who is making HARD choices every day!  I get it that life is a hard road and I just needed be reminded that “WE WILL SERVIVE” and through this I know that I will become a better mother!!!

Enjoy!!!!

watch?v=lNbfXmUgnJw

 

Easter was a wonderful, fun and uplifting day! I am grateful for My Savor, My Brother, My Friend for the knowledge that because of Jesus Atonement my sins can be forgiven and that I may have Eternal LIFE!

More pictures from Easter to come later…. they are from Gary and Linda Services Home. We LOVE being a part of this family. Linda always involves our children in her Easter celebration. A basket, toys, a serous game of BINGO and 2 yards FULL of Easter egg FUN! Funny I think our 6 kids equals the same amount that Linda and Gary have as GRANDKIDS!

So a word to John and Alison Service… We LOVE Easter with your parents… SO don’t get any Ideas!! JK

Thanks to ALL of the Utah Services for loving us and supporting our extra large family! We really do love you guys sooo much!

 Ya!! Grandma and Grandpa came to visit Frazer!!! The kids had so much fun playing with them! Frazer still asks… “Grandma and Grandpa GO?”

The following weekend Vicki and her crew came to play… NO PICTUERS :(  This was a huge sacrifice for Vicki… she is the owner of a UPS store in Apache Junction, AZ ! We love it when they come to play.

The next few week were like a twilight zone CRAZY…

Frazer has 3 new WHITE teeth. Some sweet silver fillings and … ah… well $1500.00 dollars in dental work. She is so much happier now!! The anesthesiologist was really concerned about the size of Frazer’s tonsils. He recommended we have them removed ASAP. One week later she had them removed!

Next was Fazer’s big day… she had a Tonsillectomy. One week ago last Friday…

 

She is doing GREAT! She has a whole new voice… sweet little voice!

Frazer’s First Snow!!! She hated the snow “gear” and slowly shed her “skin”!

Grandma Service made the cool pink hat!

I believe now I’m in April and all caught up!

For about a week now Frezer has asks to watch Tadem like 10 times a day! She no kidding asks every time “Ian coming?” Frezer and Maya are sitting on my lap while I type this laughing historical!

Their second favorite is the Grape juice face. I have to say that Tatem is really FUNNY!

So no deep thought yet but I do have some updates…

Frezer With Toby

Yes that is Frezer petting Toby. Look at she happy face… I am sooo proud of this little girl. Fear of Woshas(dog’s) no more!

As for Steve’s CAT… I’m afraid of her so I think it will still be a while for Frezer!

So We have decided this month that Frezer will be FREZER… I was afraid that the other kids at school might tease her and that the Teachers might call her FREEZER SERVICE! I have been called Page all my life… and my name doesn’t even stat with a P?? We are still on the look out for a cool middle name so if any of you are inspired please let us know.

Updates… Tomorrow Frezer will have IV sedation to have $1500 worth of dental work done. Please pray for all of us, she can’t eat anything after midnight and her appointment is at 11:00 am.  Goodgreef… this is the same kid who wants to EAT all day long!

Frezer is talking a lot more in English… when she wants to know what an object is she says “Mom what is her name” it took me a few times to catch on.

We went through the car wash the other day… she did really well. She did say like 100 times “car shower NO”

She hates cheese, chicken nuggets and really sweet things. She loves “pasta” “rice” and coca.. aka “soda”.

She is still sleepingthrough the night no problems and is such a sweet little helper. She even takes care of the boys. Some of them like it (OWEN) some not so much (Avery). Ethan and Isaac are really helpful to her. I thank them for the many hours of “JUMMPING” they put in.

Frezer LOVES Maya and plays so well with her. I know God has blessed our family and I am grateful he has.

I only have one complaint… Girls are 100% different than boys. I hurt Frezer’s feeling at lest twice a day. What am I doing wrong?

Well that’s it for now…

Happy very, very UnBirthday to US!!!

Maya at our very unbirthday

E, I , O and F before our very Unbirthday

Thats our CREW

a REAL unbirthday cake

 

 

 

yUMMY CAKE

yUmMy CAKE!!

dO i HAVE SOMETHING ON MY FACE?

What a party…. so sorry you had to miss it!!!

This very, very Unbirthday was completely Frezer’s idea. Silly girl has asked me every day for 3 weeks about BirF…day’s, Frezer’s Birf..day come? We wouldn’t be true Service’s if we didn’t take advantage of an opportunity to have a party  we called this one our ”family birF…DAY party”.  The night was complete with Cake, presents and singing of the Birthday song. Frezer lit up when we FINALY got to her name! With 8 people in a family that song can really take for-EVER to get to a little kid.

 

This beautiful young woman was Frazer’s neighbor. She used to care for Frazer a lot when Frazer lived with her grandparents. She found us at the clinic one of the days we were in Addis. I also met her father during our trip to meet Frazer’s birth family! We are very blessed to know her and her family.

What an incredible blessing to have met and prayed with this man. He is Frazer’s biological Grandfather. His daughter is Frazer’s Biological Mother. This man hurt so very much over the decision to place Frazer in the care of the orphanage knowing that she would be adopted by a family and live her life very, very far away! He blessed Frazer that she might be an ambassador, receive an education, learn about Ethiopia, and some day go back to help her country !!!

Frazer’s Grandmother was quiet most of our visit but when it was time to go we embraced and I knew we could both love this little girl and each other. When we looked through pictures of Frazer’s birth mother her Grandmother would look on us with tears in her eyes. I am grateful forever to this woman!

This is my mom savoring the freshly roasted coffee beans. Frazer’s family prepared for us a Coffee ceremony Watch a Coffee Ceremony on YouTube Here.

This is an incredible experience… we all felt very honored to have shared in this tradition.

This is Selame, my new Friend. She cared for me/us when I thought I could go no further. You see, Frazer wasn’t at all excited about being my daughter. She would avoid me at all costs. She even started calling Selame her Mom and I was Selame. This woman is amazing… she is amazing in so many ways and I am grateful that the Lord has placed each of us in each others lives.

I LOVE this picture for so many reasons… I know my boys will kill me! The two boys are mine and came to Ethiopia a week later with my Mom. The two stunning young women are Liydiya and Meklit. They are Selame’s daughters. It’s crazy how much Liydiya is like Avery. Strong willed and super competitive. The girls kicked the boys butts in this killer game of throwing a small rubber ball at each other. Meklit is quieter and yet silly just like Ethan! O’ ya and the sour face is Frazer. She didn’t want to be in this picture… sorry kid!

Just look at that face….. I  had to show this “potty time”! They will line up all of the babies on pots… I LOVED it! I want to know how they do it.  I could write a book and make a killing. “Potty train your baby Ethiopian Style” millions I tell ya….

I could really have stayed here doing this ALL day! Frazer had other plans and hugging kids or loving babies or hanging out with anyone who could speak English was NOT in HER plan… we really did have many wonderful moments I promise!

All I can say is I love this woman… wait am I really that tall and…. big? No more pictures next to anyone Ethiopian…. just kidding.

Bad picture sorry… that was a homemade cart that this kid is RIDING down this really small road. DOWN HILL while cars are driving and people are walking and donkeys are carrying HUGE loads of stuff!

This is the same day… Abebe ( the social worker), my hero and friend took Frazer and I “up the mountain” from Addis Ababa where there is some really amazingly old churches. I’m so sorry Abebe, but I think I know the story… but if I post it here… I better really KNOW the story!

That my dear friends is just a small portion of the STUFF that was collected for the orphanage. What a huge blessing to have had such overwhelming support. I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE WHO HELPED US COLLECT THESE DONATIONS!

Real Monkeys… real!!??

Did I say only Ethiopian women are small…. this is a look I am not proud of at all. My excuse is it was soooo HOT very HOT!

Like real… teeth… PEOPLE

They were hungry little buggers!

I think this one is so funny, just like one of the kids…. I was way too freaked out to try to touch one! Abebe took us to a hot springs where these little buggers are wild. Frezer was out of her mind afraid the whole time. Screaming and mummbling in Amharic.

Ethiopia was a wild ride and I enjoyed almost every moment. Someday when I have “extra” time I will write more about my experience. I know how much we all love pictures so I decided to start there!

To end our world travels we decided to stay over in DC. Really, a great idea… to bad my Mom was at her “max” … love you mom! So, here is our little immigrant in front of the capital. Look closely she is really happy to be in “America” more on that another day! LOL

Home at last…. I missed my children so much. I missed my love Steve and his rock-like personality! I am really a blessed and grateful Mommy and Wife. I must also say that I am the most grateful daughter… MY MOM is wonderful and I miss her very much! THANKS MOM! SO What more is there to life?….

Thanks Aunt Nat for taking these pictures.

So far this mood hasn’t changed to much. I will admit shortly after these pictures…. when Nat went back to Idaho I had a reality moment. 6 kids, a dog, a mean cat and a husband. O’ ya and a household waiting for ME to make a nutritious and delicious meals… while washing clothes, mopping floors and tripping over a little 4 year old girl who hangs on to the corner of my shirt saying “MOM” 1000 X a day! I need a vacation…. Just kidding.

Someday I promise I will tell all the details that made this adoption what the Lord had in mind. Someday I will pour out in deep thought and tell about the emotional journey we have all gone down.

For now I LOVE Dora, and crackers… they make my day happy!

I’m out….